This vacation took on special significance as a symbolic turning point in my recovery process. Four months ago, I could only imagine myself on an island beach in the Caribbean. Had I blindly and obediently followed medical recommendation, I would be certainly lying in my bed, bald, weak, and ravaged by toxic "medicine". In order to escape the terrible reality of that scenario, my experiece of an island beach in the Caribbean would still be confined to the limits of my imagination.
On this day, I am grateful for my robust health. My energy level is very high, my mental outlook is very positive. I have returned to my life as it was before this crisis of health, but I have returned a stronger person, a better person, and a more appreciative person. This has been a game-changer. Life is good. And I am grateful.
Just say no to chemo.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Waiting for you to die...
When a diagnosis of this magnitude is received, something very subtle changes in peoples' perceptions of you. They expect you to die, and they are genuinely surprised when you don't. They ask how you are. If you reply "OK", or "good", then the response is "well, hang in there". So you must elevate the response to the superlative: "great!". How are you? Great! Really? Yes, really! Really, you're feeling OK? Yes, I am feeling great!
This does not happen during normal social interactions. This happens only after a cancer diagnosis.
Perception. Self-awareness. These elements are critical to health recovery. When someone accepts the poison of chemotherapy, the toxin causes their hair to fall out. They are immediately identified as a cancer patient. But they are actually a chemo patient. When they look in peoples' eyes, what they see is pity because people know that they will die. People start to distance themselves from the chemo patient; they are preparing for the inevitable loss, the death, the grief. Hair loss is a visual indicator that the chemo patient's body is toxic and out of balance. People expect that you will die because you likely will.
This is the difference between cancer and chemo. Chemo kills; cancer does not have to. It is a manageable disease. Choose "healthy living" over toxic treatments, and when you look in peoples' eyes, you will see normalcy, not sympathy.
I really enjoy meeting new people now, because I don't mention my recent health issue, and they treat me as if I was as normal and healthy as anyone else. And so I am.
Perception. Self-awareness. Huge in the recovery process. Think of yourself as being robustly healthy. Then others will too. And you will be robustly healthy.
Just say no to chemo.
This does not happen during normal social interactions. This happens only after a cancer diagnosis.
Perception. Self-awareness. These elements are critical to health recovery. When someone accepts the poison of chemotherapy, the toxin causes their hair to fall out. They are immediately identified as a cancer patient. But they are actually a chemo patient. When they look in peoples' eyes, what they see is pity because people know that they will die. People start to distance themselves from the chemo patient; they are preparing for the inevitable loss, the death, the grief. Hair loss is a visual indicator that the chemo patient's body is toxic and out of balance. People expect that you will die because you likely will.
This is the difference between cancer and chemo. Chemo kills; cancer does not have to. It is a manageable disease. Choose "healthy living" over toxic treatments, and when you look in peoples' eyes, you will see normalcy, not sympathy.
I really enjoy meeting new people now, because I don't mention my recent health issue, and they treat me as if I was as normal and healthy as anyone else. And so I am.
Perception. Self-awareness. Huge in the recovery process. Think of yourself as being robustly healthy. Then others will too. And you will be robustly healthy.
Just say no to chemo.
The Chemo Patient Dies of Chemo, not of Cancer
My sister told me that her co-worker's wife had brain cancer, and he believes that it was the chemotherapy that killed her.
The thing that I learned about chemo is that it is more about the money than about saving lives. It is NOT an altruistic enterprise. An enterprise yes, but not an altruistic one. It is the Ponzi scheme of the medical profession in the sense that even if they wanted to stop bilking people of their savings and their lives, to do so would expose the fraud. They cannot stop. I believe that Bernie Madoff was quoted as saying that he wanted to stop, but that he couldn't. Same principle here (or lack of it). How do you come clean? They must continue to perpetrate the fraud by perpetuating the lies. They cannot stop. They cannot admit that they were wrong because now they are responsible for the millions of lives that were sacrificed at the altar of their greed. The madness must stop.
Just say no to chemo.
The thing that I learned about chemo is that it is more about the money than about saving lives. It is NOT an altruistic enterprise. An enterprise yes, but not an altruistic one. It is the Ponzi scheme of the medical profession in the sense that even if they wanted to stop bilking people of their savings and their lives, to do so would expose the fraud. They cannot stop. I believe that Bernie Madoff was quoted as saying that he wanted to stop, but that he couldn't. Same principle here (or lack of it). How do you come clean? They must continue to perpetrate the fraud by perpetuating the lies. They cannot stop. They cannot admit that they were wrong because now they are responsible for the millions of lives that were sacrificed at the altar of their greed. The madness must stop.
Just say no to chemo.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The Gift of Cancer
Cancer is a gift to be embraced and then let go.
It has no hold on my life.
It entered my life briefly and had the effect of a huge red stop sign.
Everything in my life came screeching suddenly to a halt.
This thing had to be dealt with.
How?
It was unclear.
I am a 1st Degree Black Belt in the art of Shaolin Kempo Karate. A fearless warrior. In search of truth. I set about preparing for the ultimate test. I prepared mentally, spiritually, psychologically, and physically. As soon as I could move, I began my Qi Gong exercises, strengthening every day my mind, body, spirit. I pushed past my limits every day.
A gift? This requires explanation.
Of course, this is not a gift in the traditional sense. And believe me, there were moments of sheer terror, fear, and unbelievable stress.
At a meditation group last night, I drew three cards: Friendships, Intention, and Emergence. The greater explanation of each: Friendships were changing and new friendships were developing based upon common understandings, but old and new friendships are all based in love. During this time of recovery and renaissance, I experienced a tremendous outpouring of love from friends and family. This is a wonderful gift. Intention must be set to discover the true purpose and meaning of life. Robust health must be chosen; the intention must be set. Once established, then there is the freedom to choose my life's path unfettered by outside influences. This is a wonderful gift. Emergence of peace and happiness and the expression of true inner self support the fearless pursuit of my life choices. This is a wonderful gift.
Without the presentation of cancer, these gifts would not have been presented. Now that this disease has brought its gifts and its lessons, I have embraced it, expressed gratitude, and let it go.
I am moving steadfast on my true path, with my strengthened spirit, and the love of my husband, family, and friends, and I have left cancer behind. The storm is behind; sunny skies lie ahead.
Just say no to chemo
It has no hold on my life.
It entered my life briefly and had the effect of a huge red stop sign.
Everything in my life came screeching suddenly to a halt.
This thing had to be dealt with.
How?
It was unclear.
I am a 1st Degree Black Belt in the art of Shaolin Kempo Karate. A fearless warrior. In search of truth. I set about preparing for the ultimate test. I prepared mentally, spiritually, psychologically, and physically. As soon as I could move, I began my Qi Gong exercises, strengthening every day my mind, body, spirit. I pushed past my limits every day.
A gift? This requires explanation.
Of course, this is not a gift in the traditional sense. And believe me, there were moments of sheer terror, fear, and unbelievable stress.
At a meditation group last night, I drew three cards: Friendships, Intention, and Emergence. The greater explanation of each: Friendships were changing and new friendships were developing based upon common understandings, but old and new friendships are all based in love. During this time of recovery and renaissance, I experienced a tremendous outpouring of love from friends and family. This is a wonderful gift. Intention must be set to discover the true purpose and meaning of life. Robust health must be chosen; the intention must be set. Once established, then there is the freedom to choose my life's path unfettered by outside influences. This is a wonderful gift. Emergence of peace and happiness and the expression of true inner self support the fearless pursuit of my life choices. This is a wonderful gift.
Without the presentation of cancer, these gifts would not have been presented. Now that this disease has brought its gifts and its lessons, I have embraced it, expressed gratitude, and let it go.
I am moving steadfast on my true path, with my strengthened spirit, and the love of my husband, family, and friends, and I have left cancer behind. The storm is behind; sunny skies lie ahead.
Just say no to chemo
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